| Dear GOD.!!. |
[Dec. 13th, 2006|08:30 pm] |
So its been forever since I updated this damned thing. I am actually surprised that it is still on here.
Well... lets see here... since my last post, alot fo things have happened.
Alot of dramatic bullshit, and unnecessary things happened. I woul dhave my heart broken once, and I would lose a loved one, Amanda, my only true love to date, to cancer.
All in all, to sum up this year, it sucked ass.
More dramatics and depression, much like the second half of last year... in fact all of last year...
Damn, im a drama whore.
-cliff eric |
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| I LOVE HER!!! |
[Feb. 18th, 2006|08:14 pm] |
She is staying with me.
I am so glad.
I am overjoyed.
I just cannot wait for her return.
I love life.
-cliff eric |
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| Im not obsessed... |
[Feb. 18th, 2006|05:56 pm] |
I think I have come to the point where I can see past my obsession.
I know I can't live without her, but that isn't fair to her, so for her sake, I will only love her.
I won't NEED her anymore. Although I know I do.
Dear journal, I just hoep more than anything that she doesn't leave me.
More fish in the sea, maybe, but I want this one. She is my fish.
I guess the only way i can live now with her dumping me is positively. Hell, 2 ods in a week, I dont think I can handle another. My body anyways.
Im done with the whole depression thing.
I love her too much to be depressed anyways.
I love you Barbie! |
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| Is she... |
[Feb. 13th, 2006|09:23 pm] |
Is she mad at me for something?
I tried to call her and she kinda was mad sounding.
I hope I didnt do anything wrong.
When you read this, I love you!
-cliff eric |
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| My Valentine |
[Feb. 13th, 2006|06:24 pm] |
Oh dear sweet valentine
How I love you...
Miss you...
Care for you...
How I wish to be together forever...
hold you forever...
care for you forever...
I can't wait
For that fated day
To see you walk
The aisle way
This is but the first
Of many Valentines to come
For the two of us
And this is just one
We will be together
Holding hands
And kissing
To our first dance
We'll grow old and weak
Always together
We'll love each other more
And forever stronger
I love you
Forever My Dear Love!
I love you Barbie!
-cliff eric |
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| Again her... |
[Feb. 7th, 2006|08:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
I miss her so much, even though I saw her about 6 hours ago.
I love her so much... Oh so much.
She's my everything.
She embodies everything I love and cherish.
I can't wait for her to call me.
Ugh... only 20-30 more minutes....
But besides my obsession...
Today went good. I was on top of my school work today. Psychology might be an easy class (I hope so).
My mom is callin Mrs. Westerhof cuz of my late work. Uh-Oh... take cover.
Im trying... I really am.
Back to my obsession...
Still waiting, listening, listening waiting, waiting listening.
My eyes are sore from watching so closely.Waiting
My ears strain to hear (waiting) even a pin drop to massive scale.
My heart is sore from beating so hard, the thought of her.Listening
My stomach is sick from the (listening) butterflies fluttering so fast.
Waiting.
My face is red, the thought (waiting) of her loving me makes me blush. Listening.
I love her
-cliff eric
P.S.: I really do love her...
::Mental Note::
Smile, its ok...
Your happy. |
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| Love... |
[Feb. 6th, 2006|05:50 pm] |
She loves me, she really loves me!
And we are going to be together for as long as we live, and then past even that for I am sure.
I love her with my whole heart.
The only thing that dours my mood is the past, and what has happened.
I realize there is nothing I can do, but things take a while to get over.
Barbie and I, we love each other.
I love her.
I need her.
I want her.
I care for her.
I would do anything for her.
She makes my butterflies flutter high, and makes me feel overcome with joy.
I love her
I need her
I want her
-cliff eric |
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| Great! |
[Jan. 24th, 2006|03:38 pm] |
Im doing great!
I am finally happy.
I love her.
She loves me.
We love each other.
I may have said this to other people, but this time I mean it, because she gives me butterflies like no one else before.
-cliff eric
~In Bliss...~ |
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| Hey |
[Jan. 21st, 2006|12:58 pm] |
Update: No new.!!.
I have been thinking of barbie too much, lol. I think I slept all a 1 hour last night.
I even took 4 sleeping pills.
Oh well, I am glad I thought of her that much.
This is for Barbie: As for Adrianna, the only thing I am upset about is that I lost a friend, who thinks I used her... that hurt... but everything else, I dont care about...
I love you!!!
Back to everyone...
I love her, and as i said, i didnt sleep at all.
I even ate toast at 3 in the morning and I remember eating toast when she was at my house.
UGH! LoL. I am glad I finally have someone to think about that makes me happy.
As for those of you who dont care for the whole "US" thing... I dont care, and niehter does she!
We love each other.
-cliff eric |
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| Hey everyone!!! |
[Jan. 19th, 2006|06:05 pm] |
I LOVE HER!!!
Its official.
I cant stop thinking about her.
What is she doing this moment, is she thinking about me, what is she seeing with those lovely eyes that I love to gaze into?!?
I LOVE HER!!! |
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| her |
[Dec. 11th, 2005|07:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  numb | ] |
I was going to ask her everything....
I was going to have her be with me for good...
i want her
i need her
i miss her
i love her
i like her
i want to hold her, kiss her, love her forever...
im sorry...
i dont wanna go...
i miss her... i want her here now... i want her to call me... i want her to call and have everything to be okay.....
i want to ask her... i need her...
GOD why?
Why today?
Why me?
Why not die?
I dont wanna go! |
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| Barbie... |
[Dec. 11th, 2005|06:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
she never called me back... why didnt she call em back... :'(
WHY! |
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| The 4 |
[Dec. 11th, 2005|12:36 pm] |
Adrianna.
Alie.
Barbie.
Lyndzie.
These 4 girls I would die for in a heartbeat.
Never used them, never will.
Love them each, and always will.
Like them unfortunately, and equally always will.
Im sorry my heart is so torn.
If it wasnt for Sam, I would be here, by myself, but no.
Im sorry to the 4....
P.S.::: Barbie. Imma call you, and then we'll see what I do. Imma call Lyndz too, and after that, we'll see if I go to the hospital.
-cliff eric |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 11th, 2005|12:33 pm] |
I cried, so long last night, i kept crying without tears after a while... i slept like a rock until 9:30 this morning at which point I started to cry again.
I dont USE PEOPLE!
If they think I can be as cruel as to use them, maybe I should just start doing that.
They think I lie!
I DONT LIE!
DAMMIT!
fuck everyone to hell... i might be going back to the hospital.
idk tho... i dont want to leave them behind... i dont want the 4 to cry... |
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| im done... |
[Dec. 9th, 2005|08:54 pm] |
I want to scream... so loud...
I hate life right now.
AHHH!!!
Damn fuckin haters and labelers.
I wanna kill myself or stab someone!
I hate everything!
Im in the worst mood for having a relatively good day. FUCK IT!
I dont know much more I can stretch
and i hurt her... i hate myself for that...
im sorry... im gone to you... im sorry to hear that Barbie...
I guess I dont feel so guilty now.
The voices havent said anything.
I still thank you for saving me last time, but now its not enough... |
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| True... |
[Dec. 8th, 2005|04:07 pm] |
She can read this, and I dont know anymore.
Stress is making me so tightly wound, I snap too easily.
Are we just friends or more?
Am I just some whore, that needs to die?
I find these questions failing to find answers.
Yeah, I am an ass. I realize it.
But what do I do?
I still love her, but they wont let me have just her in my head now.
Everything was fine.
Im stretching too much.
Rubber bads only go so far.
-cliff eric |
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| I miss her already... |
[Dec. 5th, 2005|08:58 pm] |
Passing out is no fun.
I miss her too.
I wanted to go to school so i could see her.
I miss her.
-cliff eric |
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| Oh NO! |
[Dec. 4th, 2005|01:08 am] |
I forgot to call her. By the time I looked at the clock it was 12:30... im sorry.
I hope she isnt mad. Now I feel bad.
All I wanted was a goodnight.
-cliff eric |
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| 'Ello luvies! |
[Dec. 3rd, 2005|03:26 pm] |
Its december.
Cold and lonely december.
Too bad she isnt here.
I would like that.
-cliff eric |
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| Gone crying... |
[Dec. 1st, 2005|08:48 pm] |
My therapist does nothing but show me how fucked up I am. Thanks.
And as for my psychiatrist... he just likes pumping me full of meds. Im only on 4 meds right now, but hey, at least im not on anything for my adhd right?
But yeah, I havent been getting sleep, and I have been resting well.
Why am I tortured by this?
BUT!!!
Im okay, I guess...
I thank her for being here still, and I think she is still mad at me, but I am glad she is still there... :)
But still, no one to hold me when I cry.
-cliff eric |
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